The Longest Text Ever! – II

i just found out something phenomenal. its reeeeal bad. im on a list. and no, not an fbi list or something, i was on one of those a longgg time ago. im on a longest text ever list. crazy i know, im actually almost a celebrity now. apparently im third! in the world! yes you read that right. but little did i know something alot scarier was going to happen. theres someone who has written more than the flaming chicken person. which means that im not actually as close to the goal as i thought, but thats ok because im still writing. heres more information about my fame: my website has reached 4,000 views. i know what youre thinking: what?? people may have actually read this? no. the answer is that my loteev starts really… interestingly. i used to think would have to live with that beginning, and if people didnt like it there was nothing i could do. that was: until i invented time travel. thats right, the beginning you may have read when you started this LoTeEv (apparently the community likes calling them LTEs but i dont listen to societies norms) may not be the original beginning. crazy i know. but how to i start a LoTeEv to draw the reader in? these dont work like normal books. theres something about the worse writing that makes it more interesting? i dont know why people would read this. i mean, i read the flaming chicken handbook (for ressearch for my LoTeEv obviously (and because its a work of literary art)) and it was riveting from beginning to end. but what about mine? it seems something interesting yet different. what if im just writing for the words, but not for the inerest of you? well yeah, thats kinda the point of the LoTeEv. this isnt supposed to be the best thing you could be reading right now, but its supposed to be a story within a story, a dream within a dream. im not only writing the stories of Securitee and Circcy, but as i write you can read between the lines and see what i as a person am also doing. but whats up with e-books? why do they cost so much money, and why do libraries have limited copies of them?? do authors need money or something?? i seriously dont get it. i would be ok with paying a few cents for a nice audiobook, but 18 euros?? like come on. i know how rich these authors are, they dont need any more of my money. also whats up with airpods? people act like theyre the most expensive luxury item ever created, but its only like 2 days of work to afford like u wot m8 u bot da nu eir-pawds like legit u wot m8 bruh and im like stap guysss… ur making absolute bufoons of yourselves… whats the worst thing to get a lifetime supply of? beheadings? something like that. you reader email me with what you think is the worst thing! i am verrrrry interested. right now my LoTeEv is probably around 150,000 characters. that means my ultimate goal is to get to the big one milly boi. once i get there i can die in peace, knowing that my works were comepleted. i wonder where the last sentence of this will be. when i was reading the flaming chicken handbook lte it just… ended. at some point she just decided to stop writing. i hope that only happens when im old. but i know one day ill forget about this, and ill come back 5 years later and read it, and maybe start again. what are the rules fo rthese anyways? would anyone know if i secretly plagiarised someone elses? guys you should know to be suspicious if i somehow start talking weird. Im baaaaack! did you know that pigs cant look up? they spend their whole piggy lives staring at the horizon, never knowing what the sky really looks like. so heres one of my goals for you: tilt a piggy. let him really see the stars and the milky way for the first time, let him be encompassesd in pure wonder. he deserves it. next time you eat bacon, remember its probably never seen the skies. section 1890291000 (the number to call if you want to locate an irish pig professional) of the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook STATES that every pig in the world should be tilted at least once in their life ( this task is not to be completed by the Shepherd of the Worthy Lambs, solely because it sounds tiring). i hate irish. i know this is such a craaazzzy opinion. the government obviously has school just to test student ability to learn, and theyre ability for self discipline. learning science is 99% not going to be used for people, but the act of learning it is whats important. nonetheless, they try to convince students that this isnt true, by saying thing like ‘oh, maybe youll be on a game show one day and theyll ask you what the powerhouse of the cell is and youll win a million’. like, really? this is how they try to convince us that school is important? now heres my opinion, yes you could technically make an argument for science and math being important and useful, but.. Irish? reallly? we learn irish… to talk to other people who cant reall speak irish… an who dont need to speak irish. my prediction is that by maybe 2030 the irish language will no longer be mandatory, because everyone will realise it sucks. theres this article about someone who learned irish for 13 years and still couldnt have a conversation?? its because its the worst language ever. thank you for listening to my rant. section 73803 (the number of people who speak irish daily according to the 2016 irish census) STATES that any child forced to learn THIS ABOMINATION OF A SO-CALLED LANGUAGE gets a free badge from the Rainbow FluffySheep Corp. that says ‘nothing about irish is green and gold, so im still in hell’. I hope yall appreciate my badges and dont try learning irish just for the badge, ok? btw im going to admit that was a bill wurtz reference, listen to his music becase its bomping fun. i hate ireland i hate ireland i hate ireland i hate ireland. what was that i just typed? i found a four leaf clover on the ground, so i wrote i hate ireland on each leaf and threw it to the wind 🙂 heres my list of reasons i hate ireland. 1- being forced to learn the stupidest, most useless language on this side of the hemisphere. 2- the weather is so bad, and so rainy, i can walk out my door and start swimming.. in the air! thats how much water there is, did you know more people drowned in the air from the rain in ireland than know the irish language? (i made that up but heres a real fact: theres a wikipedia article titled: anti-irish sentiment and i refuse to read it just in case it doesnt have to do with the language). ok so im not going to finish that. you guys already know how terrible it is. im baaaaack! and i have lots of things to say. i read the best book ever yesterday, the hitchikers guide to the galaxy. now, correct me if im wrong, but dont i write alot like douglas adams but worse? thats what i got from reading the book. ({(section 919919 (because thats kinda what you type when you type it) of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook STATES that typing ‘({()})’ except without the apostrophes means that the thing you are going to type in there is a completely irrelevant side tangent from what you were talking about. ok heres something i need to know. I want to quote the Hitchhikers Guide but i dont know if thats allowed? so heres what im going to do. my rule is that at the least, 99% of the LoTeEv is going to be made up of actual original typing (which is really hard if you read the other LoTeEvs and realise THEYRE ALL THE EXACT SAME) and i get 1% for other stuff that i want to quote. so right now I dont think ive directly quoted anything, so i have like 300 free words to use 🙂 (oh except that pokemon thing lol, but whatever). section 0.01 of the R FS H sTaTeS that the LoTeEv can have 1% quoted qorks of various authors. perfect, now let me get back to what i was saying. )}) heres an example. nevermind, read the darn book yourself if you want to know. The Author left his seat in pure anger at the fictional reader he created, and stormed to make himself a cup of coffee. an intruder smashed down his door and held a utensil to his eyeball, so close you could feel the jellious ball of light bounce when he tapped it. “is a spoon round?” said the intruder. “well, i suppose.” the intruder stepped back, spoon still in hand. The Author could taste coffee on his eye (this had yet to be proven in science, but eyes could be used for taste as well as sight, although i dont know why you’d want to) and said “brazilian, with a hint of peruvian beans”. “what??” said The Intruder. “oh nothing” said the author, still marveling at the whole predicament. “why are you in my house?” “why not?” “because its my house.” “did you not learn that sharing is caring?” “yes, but i never shared my house with you. you broke my door too. “i didnt break it though”. The Author went to the hallway and saw that the door was perfectly intact, excpect for the broken glass, which T A was about to get to before he had a heated argument with you, the Very Real Reader. “huh, youre right” said T A. “i guess ill have to change that in my story then” “what?” “well, its not like im not goin to write about this. an intruder in my house? that doesnt happen every day. i need to remember that you didnt break the door down, but merely picked the lock.” “you wont remember” “shut up, I will”. T A didnt remember. “whats the answer to your question? did i get it right?” “of course not, theyre long and thin, with a small round bit at the end. what led you to think that it was round?” “i suppose its because when you ask questions like that, you assume The Questioner is asking you to compare it to similar things. if you asked wheter an elephant is large or not, my brain doesnt immediatly go to finding the middle between the size of the universe and a plank length and see if its bigger than the middle. i think: elephant > tiger, elephant > mouse, elephant > human. Elepant = probably big” “it is though. elephants are bigger than the average size of things” “are spoons then rounder than the average thing?” T I thought about this for a second. “of course not, planets and stars and nuclei and black holes are way rounder” “hmm” “well, it was nice meeting you, but you dont meet my criteria” said T I, putting his jacket back on. “wait a second, this was a test?” “of course. the correct anser is that spoons are not round, therefore you arent invited to live” “is that your choice to make?” “i wouldve thought so, that is my job after all”. T A grabbed T I and jumped through the window, smashing it and getting little glass shards into his coat. “hopefully it doesnt rip” he said. T I looked down to see they were both falling at a dramstic rate. “what have you done?? now were both going to die” “I hadnt thought about that. its still better than just me you would think though”. They continued plummeting thousands of feet downwards to the surface of the planet. T A took his laptop out of his bag and started typing. “what are you doing?? you decide to write your little story now?” “shut up”. This is what i was typing. ‘they both landed in a hay bale, and very much survived, except T I got fairly bruised’. “oh, come on, why do i have to be the one that gets hurt!” “fine” ‘they both landed in a SOFT hay bale, and very much survived, except BOTH OF THEM got fairly bruised’. “no no no! why dont you make it so neither of us get hurt??” “ah.” ‘they both landed in a SOFT hay bale, and very much survived, and T A was given a brand new car at the bottom.’ “you know what, thats good enough for me” POOF. HONK HONK. “it worked! oh, i wanted a blue one though” “ive had enough of you, ill go ask some other people if they can guess my Question correctly”. T A didnt like T I killing people, so he typed this. ‘but when they fell, The Spoon fell out of T I’s pocket, hit the ground, bent in such a way that it was exceptionally Unround, and landed back in T I’s pocket.’ the world was easy again, so T A went back to his office. i found out something phenomenal. beside my text document it says how big the file is, and currently is says that my full LoTeEv is 158KB. i thought, wow what a coincidence, thats what i wouldve guessed was the thousands of characters in my LoTeEv! and then i realised that IS the number of characters, since one character = one byte. just thought youd find that interesting. oh and possibly that number is too big since i set it to a _rich text document_, so i could set the font to calibri. anyways, that does mean im disturbingly close to the flaming chicken, in fact almost 80% of the way! the craziest thing about this to me is that it seems like just yesterday that i typed that i was 70% of the way there. im definitely typing this muchhh faster then i did at the beginning, and more regularily, so that has to do with it. also, im getting better at touch typing! im still slighty slower than my normal weird typing but who cares. this LoTeEv isnt meta enough. except right now, where its the perfect amount of meta. i reread my LoTeEv again to make it easier to go back to my roots and to gain more respect for myself. but as i started reading, i realised that the start of my LoTeEv is physically painful to read. it just… goes so fast. my train of thought is moving way faster than i can type and it makes for some… interesting material. i have multiple things that need to be discussed today, and the first thing is that i havent seemed to get any reader feedback yet. tens of thousands of words in and not a single email. so the first order of buiness is to plug my email, which is rainbowfluffysheep123@gmail.com. perfect. the next thing is to say that yes i will discuss your respones in this LoTeEv, no matter how vile. secondly, i probably wont take them into account when writing, because to be honest i dont care about your opinions unless theyre as good as mine. for example, i would assume that most poeple would like me to be way less meta in this LoTeEv and to get back tomy humble beginnings typing ‘non-sensical blubber’. the only way this will happen is if i someday become highly deprived of sleep or even more severely intoxicated, which i dont plan on doing at the moment (except the former, which i have noticed becomes much more interesting when asleep). my study of the populus revealed to me that people dont care about story arcs anymore, or character development, seeing as the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy is the number one book according to reddit. this study has led me to withdrawing information to you about Tune, the lovely humming bird we met earlier, who recently laid an egg named ‘sam’ (another reason i withheld this is because it seems that sam is named after my Evil and Malevolent Rival, The Flaming Chicken Person (I do actually respect sam for the progress she has made in the LTE community ( by literally starting it of course (although not the world record holder of course)) (i call other peoples LTE’s LTEs, while i call my LoTeEv LoTeEv. its relly quite simple stop making a fool of yourself). thirdly, there is a mystery hidden amongst the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook. i recently have been adding stuff to it and explaining the numbering behind the entries, but back in the day i was yet To Be Kind (Swans (see! i cant even help myself from helping u guys know what im talking about!)). and there is one entry i cannot figure out the numbering to, and you guys are going to need to help me. get your walkie-talkie again bois, and here we go. the number is: 18o25g02i22. it is the section that states that i am allowed to type color, not [REDACTED], which is something i quite am happy with. firstly, i thought that this must be one of those hex-rgb-decimal-hexadecimalmumbojumbo codes, but i dont know where to verify that. all the numbers are less than 26 which means it may be a word? lets see… R. O. Y. G. B. I. V. I am very proud of myself at this moment. i would never be that creative these days! Huzzah! my numbering systems have gone underwhelming in the past few… months. fourthly, if i ever do change any part of this loteev, i have to make sure i never interact with my time-travelling text self, which souldnt be to hard. also, when i say how many words ive typed, its gonna be wrong, and the noob readers are going to be suspicious. what do i do??? I dont know. these truly are confusing times, but if anyone has any ideas, hit me up on the old electronic-mail. ok im done my list now, dont be waiting for a fifthly. do i need to order my LoTeEv? at some point i would like to have a section for Meta Things, The Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook, and Actual Nonsense, but does that ruin the point of the LoTeEv? is it meant to be unstructured? should i change the start, or should it remain unstructured like what was proposed by our forefathers? who knows. i think right now it remains a depiction of who i am as a person, which is fine by me. should i pay homage to sam for the birth of this wonderful idea? i think so; heres a poem depicting The Flaming Chicken Flocker of the East: oh wonderful chicken (flocker) of the east (stalker) followed me to my office building to plagiarise what i was writing 15 YEARS before i did (walker) walked around to the traffic sound, got ran over by a reindeer (declare var = sadness, talker) just in time for the holiday season 15 YEARS ago, that is why im talking about it now (hahaha) hahaha (hahaha) the END. i hope i dont get arrested for treason, and if i do, someone needs to tell her i meant only good will towards men, and to all a good night. where were we? the fact that you reader, have infact read more of this than i will ever care to? yes. yes. yyes. yse. ok i think ive written enough for today, go enjoy your cuppas and muggas, ive gotta go to portugal. C U. im back, and havent left for portugal yet. theres these new kids around the block called scenecore and teencore emo peeps or something like that and they are the old ways of the internet. they seem very much like ‘top 5 friends’ and neopets people. they really like black… and rainbows… and nothing in between. they say things like XD and :3 and RAWR. they are my kind of people. i now know what ive been missing in my life. when reading things from the 2000’s internet you get an instant sense of amazement. everyone on the internet back then seemed to be absolute legends. i am envious of the people who got to live in these times. maybe ill try to say a little UwU and Rawr here and there to bring these wonderful breed of emos back. apparently this decade is going to be the Rawring Twenties, but well see. you, reader, may already know. if so, shoot me a dm and tell me what the future is like. ill be waiting. what if one day i run out of topics and i never type anything ever again?? what if theres never a beautiful reign of topicsnow on these lands, wouldnt that be an absolute tragedy?? i dont know how i come up with topics anymore, i just type what im thinking. pink ladies are the best apples dont @ me. or do, i would like your feedback on better apples plz. im just gonna do some LTE research real quickt talk soon cutie 😛 im back again, and have not yet been to portugal, this is how boring my life is. jokes on you though, youre the one reading this. the problem with the with the world is that people are always ‘what does the LoTeEv say in it’ rather than ‘how is the LoTeEv feeling’ (btw guys this is a little of my tiredness test to see if i write better when im tired, cos it is 12:08 (very nice numbers, all powers of 2)). i realised that this LoTeEv is perfect for a hermity internetless life! i only have three options for albums to listen to offline, which are Dark Side of the Moon, Mirrored, and Trout Mask Replica. lets see if trout mask replica can make me write better. I cAnNoT gO bAcK tO yOuR fRoWnLaNd. I loove this album. yes, love with 2 os.i said it (alomst as goo as potatOS ahaha) Section 1q2w3e of the Rainbow FluffySheep handbook staetsetsets stthat i can declare tirednesss supremacy whic lets my type whtevr. i declare tiredness supremacy. and a lipstick kleenex. and my girl named ‘bimbo’. im starting to despise everything. how did humans get made to enjoy thi album? in a perfect world this album would suck. but its so good. im getting extreme pain at this point from loooking t pixels, im starting to think ill eventually count the hours im not on screens in my day instead of how many on screens. especially since threre a monitor in my matress goodnight. ok so im back from portugal! even though theres some fascinating things going on in my life since i went i know you dont want to hear about that so i can talk about other tings. i mean if my future self is reading this then you probably do want to hear what i have to say, and all ill say is Carol, which is a name that will either bring pain or joy, and only you know which one it is. i hope u guys realise that this LoTeEv is NOT my priority anymore. i remember typing a long time ago that i make time for this LoTeEv, but now im only doing it because my laptop isnt charged mand i want to play minecraft. also, my hands are freeeezing so im typing really slowly. the light through the curtain outside looks like the flag of new mexico, and i learned paranoid android on the guitar. not much has gone on guys. should i talk about my life? lets review the facts: if you have read this far into the LoTeEv (on the wordcounter website it says that it should only have taken 2 hours which is an abomination) then you probably care either A: care about my as a Writer and Human Being, or B: have no life. in the interest of not wanting people to die, i will therefore talk about my life as well. maybe the best thing about this LoTeEv is that when i die young (idk why i just assume that i will) people who care about me might want to read this? idk why because it might make them sad. maybe they’ll just delete this and they’ll never even realise it ever existed. what a shame that would be, although i do believe that my website will stay up for some time to come, at least until wix or wordpress whatever site i used runs out of money and cant afford its servers, which is how i assume this all works. do you know what ive been dying to do? visit another dimension again. im going to pop over and read my manual quick but ill be back. i… lost the documentation it seems. its fine… i just assume i grab my DiMenTio-Meter and pop over the the 5th :::shoop::: well that was easy. ok… im gonna go to slice… 1 and start a new blank slate. this ones gonna be about pop tarts. theres some stuff in here that gets kinda… personal, but whateverrr. k ill start writing the code. —–{ I have enough money to live a simple life in a small suburban town with a pet dalmatian named spot and a half hour commute to my office job whee i convince people to but Tarts that they don’t even want and i try to convince them but i know they’re lying to me because the orders never go through and the boss is going to fire me if i cant sell any more and I’m going to live on the streets and my dog is going to go to the pound and i will have a Tart styrofoam sign with ‘i need money’ written on it with Tart pencils and the street that i live on won’t even be reall ill be sitting on a 16-pack asphalt Tart box and pretending to be on a street when really I’m just in a simulation and up above in the sky i can see the people watching me and grading how bad i did at my life because i didn’t dell enough Tarts and my simulation will stop running because i didn’t sell enough Tarts and who knows where i go after that but maybe I’ll just start my same life again and i will work at the same Tart factory and have the same shitty job and i will try to convince you to buy some just for me but you won’t and I’ll start crying again because i know I’m just in an endless loop wth no way to escape… Unless… Right now you buy the dead caterpillar Tarts that i made on the ‘streets’ in my past last, then maybe the boss will give me a raise and my coworkers will respect me, even Murphy Murphy even though he invented the Oreo Tart and everyone loved it and he single-handedly made enough money for our company to go global, and with a tear in his eye and a twinkle in his teeth he will say ‘son… I respect you. Against all odds the Dead Caterpillar Tart prevailed. And for that, i owe you my utmost respect. To Bread watermelonrabbitwatermelon too, for believing in you when no-one else could’. He’ll buy a round of drink for the office and everyone will clap and then obama will come and shake my hand and he’ll give a speech at my school telling everyone that yes, you went to school with the Creator Of Greatness In The Tart Industry, and they will all look up to me with gleaming eyes, expecting autographs and posters, but instead getting the cold shoulder from me. Why would i disrespect my fans? They don’t want me for who i am. They want me so they can tell their friends that they indeed met The Bug Man. They want to sell their autographs on Craigslist for an hours wage to afford the paper my posters were printed on. So as i walked onto the stage, obama and i will do our secret handshake and i will say kids: if there’s one thing you can learn from my story, it’s to never give up, no matter how much it seems like you should. In the end, some helpless soul will help you escape your loop, and you will eventually find an even better one. Thank you. There will not be applause or laughter this time sadly. Not a single peeps will echo through the halls. Just… Silence. After minutes of this, i will hear the sobbing of a classmate in the corner, complaining that he was never given free Ketamine Tarts as i promised. ‘You can’t expect me to be honest Michael’ i will yell. ‘or to be faithful every day to the end. But know this. I will always be a friend.’ I’ll look down at my wrist and spin the worn out Best Friends Forever bracelet he gave me 10 Years Ago on that very day. He’ll look up at me and say ‘you’re right. I just have one thing to say: i was right’ I’ll wonder what he means, until he pulls out his CRAYON FLAVOURED TARTS. He invented them!! Long before i ever thought the idea could even have a chance of existing. Then I’ll remember… Bread asked for crayon Tarts. I was wrong. If i just listened to him and made them i would’ve escaped the loop years prior. But alas, i was too selfish to understand him. I’ll bring him up on stage, make a speech about how lucky i am to be his friend afterwards, i started a new speech. The crowd was silent with anticipation. Here i go i thought, they need to know my story: I have enough money to live a simple life in a small suburban towwww…… * the end * —–} that seems good yes. youre wondering who watermelonrabbitwatermelon is? just an old friend 😉 not a fri-end, a real friend i promise. i know i know, you arent supposed to say that you have friends on the internet, because the new cool hip funny thing is to be depressed and sad and lonely, but im going against the norm. i need to rant for a bit about people who hate on other people. im the only one allowed to do that! and do you know who im going to hate on? those people! they are soooo annoying! apparently liking popular things is the worrrst thing in the world because it makes you a normie and im lit woke against people who are like this. i listen to dark side of the moon, i play minecraft and portal, im a simple man. if something is very popular ill give it a whirl, because if a lot of people think its good it probably is. but there always has to be that one kid on the street whos like ‘hey mista! why you go be doing liking all them fancy gizmo crap popular thingys!’ and do you know what i have to say to that kid? i want to punch him in the face! i dont care that lil’ Efil over here got a private school education and a trust fund. ill go to jail just to see the look on his face as i grab my Slingy 3000 Shot and launch a lemon right into his nose! he’ll fall flat on the ground and scream ‘hey mista! youre the cool one and i just never understood! im sorry for being mean to you all these years mista!’ but i wont care, ill just strut right past him with a gleam in my eye. my laptop is 3 minutes to full charge and its got me thinking: what is a better use of my time? writing this or playing minecraft? they both seem inheritly useless at the beginning because they are, but i dont know which one is better. when im older id like to explore my world just as much as the next chap, but also i mighhhht like to read this as well. anyways, ill talk to you later, i have a call with someone important right now 😉 (just kidding, i keep asking her if she wants to call and she says she does, but i dont want to pressure her, u know?) also i realised that ive been texting way more than typing this recently so im using texting language occasionally. but who cares! in section 83 of the Rainbow FluffySheep Handbook it STATES that i allow use text and bad vocab for type. also, i called it 83 because it kinda looks like a guys making a cat face while wearing sunglasses, its the only thing i could do with my numbering scheme, ya know? ive typed 8,000 characters today, which i think is more than sufficient. see ya! nevermind. why are the cheesy-salty-tiny crackers so good? why do chefs try to make fancy food for their whole lives when man and cheese is perfect? i fear that i will never understand the answers to these simple questions. why is having a relationship so complicated? why are people so mean? why do they include green in 4-color pens when everyone would way rather have an extra black? im having an existential crisis here guys. why do i type this? like actually? what is the point? to make the 3 readers i have happy? well i hope u guys are. im ok, thanks for asking. i got a globe puzzle for christmas, made up of real puzzle pieces instead of plastic. should i feel happy about that or sad? i cant figure it out to be honest. i am going to fail the leaving cert because i cant remember anything important yet. im useless in irish as well. it didnt even snow for christmas! what kind of treachery is this! in the terms and conditions the snow was promised, but i guessss it never said where. if i keep up this 2 thousand words a day ill be rich in no time! imma go check if the LTE guy updated his website to accomadate my new words. Nope. He did not. im back from another trip and i dont have alot to say. except for one incrivel thing. im part of a cult! an internet cult, dont worry. there seems to be thousands of people around the world obsessed with a stuffed shark called Blahaj purchaseable fro well known swedish comglomerancy, IKEA. and guess what i did folks, yes. i got one. some may call it a way of money, some may think i just want to CONSOOM. but heres the thing. this shark is amazing. its 100cm long, and can be put anywhere in various poses for the internet, so maybe now youll apporove. i dont buy things often but when i do, its an amazing idea. so there you go. writing this loteev has given me immense respect for Sam. i have put so much effort into writing this, and i thought id be able to beat her in no time, but alas, its been… a year i think? or 2? i cant remember. a while. and now that it is new years eve, i do believe that it is time for a celebration of the LoTeEv. another year with it is better than one without. so heres some stats on it. ‘This’ word is the 33,383rd. i have typed 180,000 characters, or 1,684 sentences. which ones are the best? vote in the Official Poll For The LoTeEv Which Doesnt Exist! and guess what guys, guess how many paragraphs are in this. you guessed it, 1. one paragraph. not only might i have the LoTeEv, but possibly also the LoPaEv. the reading level for this is 9-10th grade, which i take as a compliment. i never try to type to the extremest of my englishing skkillz, so the kiddos reading will UndersTand my x-treem grammar 2. the reading time for this is 2 hours. that seems pretty legit, but i want it to take someones whole life. i want 80 years of reading time so someone can really indulge in my.. Fluffiness. my most types words are ‘j u s t’ and ‘l i k e’. i dont want to add to that number, because theyre both almost at 200 times!! i do NOT remember typing ‘l i k e’ that many times, similar to a californian teenager. heres what imma do, check the difference in stats comparaing my first and second half of the LoTeEv. as i guessed, J U S T and L I K E make up 6% in the first half, but only 4% in the second half. good or bad? leave your answer in the comments below! the keywords for the second half seem to be CONVINCE BOB JOE and TROUT MASK REPLICA, which i cant really complain about. ‘of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook it STATES that’ and ‘of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook it SAYS that’ are my main 8 word repetitions, eacch occuring 4 times each which seems resonable. the fact that there are MORE repeating 8 word sentences is scary to me, so lets check em out. DISCLAIMER: i havent used copy paste so im sooo confused how these exist. well thats disappointing. its because i SCAMMED YALL. i accidentally added about 200 words to my LoTeEv TWICE so i legit scammed yall from reading this. ughhhhhhh im so so so so sorry guys. i did it twice. somehow i explained Inception with Kitty Nibbles twice, and i hope you are disappointed in me, i was probably tired from MEETING ALL OF MY COOL FRIENDS. ok, now we can see what ive actually typed more than once! the first one is ”they both landed in a soft hay bale’ which, rereading, was quite an… interesting story. i forgot that happened to me, good this i keep this diary. anyways, that is… 8 words long! yippee for me! (its not exciting cos i only repeated it once and it was right after the other one and i repeated it for a reason and yeah its just -NOTINTTERESTING- but whatevrrr ill keep going ok so imma sum these all up for ya. theyre all either IN SECTION X OF THE FLUFFY FOOT NOTES (i just realised footnote is the opposite of handbook, i hope i blew your mind as much as i blew mine :O) and the rest are when i did weird lists and things, so the next one is when i was writing an interesting theory about the correct marketry and distribution of a plant based cereal item, and thus the correct method to extract maximum moolah from said cereal distribution, sadly inventing Shrinkflation and thus making literally ever consoomer sad :(. anyways, im going to be back when i have an actually INTERESTING one. ok firstly, this is verrry interesting, although this LoTeEv is 33,000 words long, i have only typed 5,000 unique words. is this creation of the english vocabulary an indirect consequence of the action of typography as a whole, or the distinct ablility yours truly possesses whereby he pens unparallled prose unused by past authors, lest they become unemployed or exempt their publishing editor from the skillage of correcting said typerrors contained within their novella? i really want to use more interesting language now knowing that The Big Texty Corp. is watching my every english. is that a normal ratio of unique words to commonplace bland ones? i dont know how to check. once i get to the length of Sam’s i will surely compare our if i remember, in every which catergory i can. some of my uniquely used words at the bottom of the list include ”bowawawoh”, ‘gaffigan’, ‘neopets, ‘epicredditfan7515’, ‘catamaran’ and ‘oe’r’. if you remember when i wrote those, props to you! ill see what i can remember… bowawawoh is from the hawaiian music in an ad i did… gaffigan said a number of exquisite remarks on the toxicity and calienteness of cow udder excretions, neopets… ive only written about neopets once!! thats a shame! actually ive been reading this list wrong and its just 5000 randomly ordered words ive written. -_-. nevermind! anyways, i want to rant about neopetss and myspaceee and how i wish i was here for the era of HTMLing websites and having a top 5 best friends list and lots of rainbows and bright colors and UwU’s and Rawr XD’s. sadly my generation is much worse than the last, just like everyone before. i remember epicredditfan7515 was me trying to make a random username generator, and i do hereby believe that i made that before uncovering the joys of said website reddit, and realising how weird the internet is, and realising that my LoTeEv might be the most normal, tame and simple thing on it. seriously, what are Surreal Memes? i spent hourss on there an i have no idea still. catamaran was me typing words by using the start of words to lengthenout the words. and oe’r mustve been OE’R THE RAINBOWWW which is a phrase less used these days and its really quite underappreciated as a mean to make everyone around you annoying and get instant cadavering headaches. this list is VERY interesting, if i get any 3 words from it i can start my own story if i ever run short on ideas. for example ‘toe toy famous’, ‘clips anne dying’ and ‘wee monkey soccer’ (i do quite like that last one). some of these words are very confusing and make no sense, which i can only assume are typos. like what is ‘tortuos’??? it kinda sounds like tortuous but lets see the use in a sentence. ‘Now I too will have to live this tortuous fate! Do you think that water parties breathe?’. gosh. im not even going to bother, i have literally no idea. there also seems to be a verrrry long words about shoes and felines that i cant quite decipher. i think im done with all these stats and things cos i wanna go celebrate new years. see ya! hey! teacher! leave them kids alone! im back! it is now 2020. so, this is the new year, and i dont feel any different. something feels wrong. normally i can just keeping typing this and go on forever but my creative juices are inherintely of miniscule viscosity atm. im gonna try using blender to make some fascinating collisable neopets, ill be back. just kidding! i dont have internet. hence le typing my LoTeEv has arrived. i feel the strong urge to just type song lyrics but that’d be too easy, thats not the high quality content you came here for! heres a nice story about my new band, BLOT. i dunno if thats already a band name because I DONT HAVE INTERNET, but i just invented it now. every one of our songs is just white noise generated by getting reallllly small number details about a shelf of lava lamps deep underground. every one of our songs will sound comeplety different, yet completely similar. maybe for one of our future albums we can have someone randomly sing ‘Ooh Baby’ 9999 songs in and noone will catch it because noone listens to our band. sounds awfully similar to this actually. do i write wbetter when im tired? no. no. i dunnot. ill type the first words i see: pineapple, annexe, and parked. interesting. i just realised that this is just a huge rough draft for nothing, and that bike are just acoustic motorcycles. the alien was playing golf with his friend, but he didnt realise that the golf ball was a marble and his friend was a marble and he was a marble and hes playing marbles and the marbles are atoms and hes just a sentient atom trying to make sense of the world and he starts crying because hell be forever alone and his friend is no different than the golf ball. ooooooo. what rows are the most like words? qaz. wsx. edc. rfv. tgb. yhn. ujm. ik. ol. p. none of them really. why are they ordered like that? probably jamming of le writertypees or something. sometimes i wish that i started this earlier, but then i realise that it wouldve sucked like it already does. is the start better or the end? such as the ape of musicians play the songo bongo that represents the creative process, so The Author of the LoTeEv tyoes in a meta font. calibri in fact, cos i cant seem to change the font i think, but ya know what, calibri aint half bad. nevermind, i can change it. remember how much i loved roboto, WELL THEY DONT HAVE IT ON WORDPAD AND I REFUSE TO SWITCH TO A NEW NOTEPAD BECAUSE I AM LOyal ( honestly though, wordpad is simple but sucky, but i dont have internet so i cant switch). i will try different fonts now. i actually loooooove Segoe UI, because its so esay and fun for the whole family and pets and cats and g=doggos, and doges and black holes and stars and the third rock from the mooon. if g=doggos, then 0=dogos, then o(POWER)2dgs=0. i hate evertything because wleeping is such a waste of time. but typing this makes me feel accomplished for some reason. maybe because i hate putting any effort into anything, cause i could never srite a book or anyhing because keeping a main character and stuff sounds like a lot of work honestly. and plots and stuff? maybe cos im tired, because tune still loves me, right? chirpitty cirpt? anyways, i gotta get some beddy bye sleep tightyness . yete/ yeet/ yeet. im literally anne frank in my writing diary capabilities. now THAT is a good way to start this so far. im back by the way. im either gonna —> die early, in which case ill be dead so i wont care B-) or ill be an old man whos barely remembered english reading this with a tear in my eye, ‘suddenly you find, ten years had got behind you, noone told you when to run, you missed the starting gun’. thats a nice quote and all, but what if i dont want to run? who says i need to be an ever improving ever growing person?? cant i just be happy with the way i am and be done? apparently not. is this what people want? im satisfied with my life right now. i should have really taken the time to add lots of cool faces to this LoTeEv while im at it. since this is a text-based art medium, i can only express my thousand-words with this —> 🙂 <— pretty cool aint it? wait, if i wanted to write 33000 words i just had to do 33 of those?? who wouldve thunk it. i mean, i wouldve assumed that the resolution and interestingness of the image has to do with the number of words said image is worth. did you know? going on random tangents on wikipedia is life. i will do that now, byeeeee. theres nothing quite like messaging random people on the internet. you might make a friend, you might get bullied, you might learn the ins and outs of someones social life that you really have no business in knowing. but most of all, youll become a better person. youll learn from other peoples mistakes and failures, you’ll hate everyone on the internet, but mostly tumblr, for doing realllly weird things, and youll experience cultures you wouldnt have previously been able to experience. that said, that internet is crazzzy. [_,_,_] well. its been a while. maybe a month or two? lets start this by saying if youre reading this, good for you. you made it. this is gonna be pathetic and self indulgent so dont get ur hopes up. y last rant about automation was hopefuly inspiring, but this may not be. better to get my thoughts out there then… not. will this make it into the loteev? maybe. not the public one. maybe later, but not by my will. well, if youre reading this then good news, either u did it or it was spread. goals. well i want to start off with the whole blah blah blah universe conciousness earth humans meat life stuff, which i will from now on call 000000. simple right? well the thing is [emotions rant death] [000001] and this is everyone isnt it? so [why] [000002] 2? 2? 2? at least this will be finished, we really have evreything. dimensions, stories, music, adventures. but how much do we really need? also did this end too abuptly? Too expectedly? well. then we wont end it just yet will we. this loteev had high expectation themplaced. but they were unfounded, and i knew it from the beginning. why does it not seem like i knew it? well 1. hiding 2. i was better but flashes still happened. now lets answer a few more quuestions! maybe by year! maybe this should be the start of the loteev, open it with bang. the rest will be a lil more eerie and spoopy then. lets start with thee first question. 2? stage one: people, life ahead, pets, blah blah blah stage two (for now) person, brain, game. game isnt sturdy (well for now its unchanging, copyable and infinite but my brain isnt which was proved with previous life giving games ( dependence plus apathy = uwu not good)). person = perfect – imperfections, (imperfections include not caring) or badly protraying it. also include.. extroversion, not being perfect) and now reading back through the loteev this has become wayyyy more obvious hasnt it… ill probably add some quotes here (which do not add to the quoting quota) from it where it was fairly obvious. firstly, i dont know if i will ever talk to person again (but assuming 1 timeline yes). whats the point, ive made myself look weak, and if i didnt i wouldve been worse off, a liar and a useless friendship. this person seems to have the same problems as me, but that sure doesnt mean theyre gonna help! why should they care about my feelings! apparently theres no meaning in life, not even fabricated, so when asked their dependencies (when [guess who?] asked their dependencies) not even given a second thought is nice. how much more could i rant about? maybe this person is perfect as someone will get for me. bad case? yes. im gonna choose the positive outcome, so they arent perfect. great. what do i have left. my brain. it works, it calculates, it confuses, it tries. all around it does a pretty good job, except it makes this seem like a good thing. with the lack of heat in here, maybe a warm blanket will help? but lets just say its pretty heavy 🙂 second question: will they find this? yes. i will try to make it obvious, as mitski said, worth my quote quota, “I always wanted to die clean and pretty, but I’d be too busy on working days, so I am relieved that the turbulence wasn’t forecasted, I couldn’t have changed anyways, I am relieved that I’d left my room tidy, Goodbye”. if you were wondering, yes that is how im going to end this loteev, if i can last long enough and plan it well enough, hopefully it doesnt happen by accident. clean and pretty. my brain is this loteev. thats what i have. my thoughts, ideas, stories. nothing that someone else here couldnt replace. everything has its curve, its peak. this too will end, sooner than me. hopefully i fulfill everything by then. hopefully i remember it all. but lets just say this thing is not an easy read. its an easy write. essentially just ctrlcctrlv into the page. but lets not get carried away. i can think of other reasons correct? some people would be sad, many more would pretend, some would use it as a way to get sympathy, thats okay. they are the ones who need it. its fine though, i know they wouldnt accept me if i told them the truth, which im sure isnt true fo most people. i thought i found another brick, another foundation, but it was cracked as always. person wise? probably the 300th. looks like a big number right? even if the bricks do get crushed, surely the dust is enough to hold it up? no. being the backround charcter doesnt give nearly the mass you would think. can i name someone whos a bak=ckground character in my life? of couse. but im always further back on their list. except for one, but she doesnt understand. really anything that could help. maybe shes trying, but its not going to work. i have lots who seem to be at the centers, and theyre happy. coincidence? doesnt matter. just a lil fact i thought id share. i used to be first, maybe a relationship will help. no.- [000003]. still second, or third, or fourth, or an object, or a goal, or a right, or a hurdle, or a nothing at all. its kinda a win win isnt it? either i have no bricks [000004]. and thus 3one to really care, or i have some 4 which means its worth it right? just to clarify, having 4s at the goodbye [000005]. doesnt help. it makes it much worse. not for me. so does it make it worse? theyre just inputs. it does. emotions are controllable. but. it would be so easy. -4 would make it so easy. i shouldnt evem think about it. it would just.. end. and some people would hear, id be a statistic. easy, no mess, clean and pretty. lower the stat ratios for next year, make themm feel like theyre accomplishing something amazing. make them feel better about themselves! for being righteous! good for them, theyre the ones who need it. im going to stay at this page, because if i leave it wont end well. maybe some 4 game will help. well see, until then. [_,_,_] Good words = Cyclic – Autometalogolex – Tumultuous – Spudger – Zephyr I have enough money to live a simple life in a small suburban town with a pet dalmatsnaccs, med spot and a half hour commute to my office job whee i convince people to but Tarts that they don’t even want and i try to convince them but i know they’re lying to me because the orders never go through and the boss is going to fire me if i cant sell any more and I’m going to live on the streets and my dog is going to go to the pound and i will have a Tart styrofoam sign with ‘i need money’ written on it with Tart pencils and the street that i live on won’t even be reall ill be sitting on a 16-pack asphalt Tart box and pretending to be on a street when really I’m just in a simulation and up above in the sky i can see the people watching me and grading how bad i did at my life because i didn’t dell enough Tarts and my simulation will stop running because i didn’t sell enough Tarts and who knows where i go after that but maybe I’ll just start my same life again and i will work at the same Tart factory and have the same shitty job and i will try to convince you to buy some just for me but you won’t and I’ll start crying again because i know I’m just in an endless loop wth no way to escape… Unless… Right now you buy the dead caterpillar Tarts that i made on the ‘streets’ in my past last, then maybe the boss will give me a raise and my coworkers will respect me, even Murphy Murphy even though he invented the Oreo Tart and everyone loved it and he single-handedly made enough money for our company to go global, and with a tear in his eye and a twinkle in his teeth he will say ‘son… I respect you. Against all odds the Dead Caterpillar Tart prevailed. And for that, i owe you my utmost respect. To Bread watermelonrabbitwatermelon too, for believing in you when no-one else could’. He’ll buy a round of drink for the office and everyone will clap and then obama will come and shake my hand and he’ll give a speech at my school telling everyone that yes, you went to school with the Creator Of Greatness In The Tart Industry, and they will all look up to me with gleaming eyes, expecting autographs and posters, but instead getting the cold shoulder from me. Why would i disrespect my fans? They don’t want me for who i am. They want me so they can tell their friends that they indeed met The Bug Man. They want to sell their autographs on Craigslist for an hours wage to afford the paper my posters were printed on. So as i walked onto the stage, obama and i will do our secret handshake and i will say kids: if there’s one thing you can learn from my story, it’s to never give up, no matter how much it seems like you should. In the end, some helpless soul will help you escape your loop, and you will eventually find an even better one. Thank you. There will not be applause or laughter this time sadly. Not a single peeps will echo through the halls. Just… Silence. After minutes of this, i will hear the sobbing of a classmate in the corner, complaining that he was never given free Ketamine Tarts as i promised. ‘You can’t expect me to be honest Michael’ i will yell. ‘or to be faithful every day to the end. But know this. I will always be a friend.’ I’ll look down at my wrist and spin the worn out Best Friends Forever bracelet he gave me 10 Years Ago on that very day. He’ll look up at me and say ‘you’re right. I just have one thing to say: i was right’ I’ll wonder what he means, until he pulls out his CRAYON FLAVOURED TARTS. He invented them!! Long before i ever thought the idea could even have a chance of existing. Then I’ll remember… Bread asked for crayon Tarts. I was wrong. If i just listened to him and made them i would’ve escaped the loop years prior. But alas, i was too selfish to understand him. I’ll bring him up on stage, make a speech about how lucky i am to be his friend afterwards, i started a new speech. The crowd was silent with anticipation. Here i go i thought, they need to know my story: I have enough money to live a simple life in a small suburban towwww…… * the end * IDEAS FOR A UTOPIA: running and dragging someone to a field of flowers where you have candles and picnics and ukuleles and guitars and all your frens. Inter-railing around Europe. Different country every few days. Falling asleep on friends chests on trains. Nothing but rugsacks and maybe an instrument case or two. “OH NO I LEFT MY FAVOURITE TOOTHBRUSH IN PARIS” “You have any oranges from Spain left? I’ll trade you with my Belgium Chocolate” Taking aesthetic photos on polaroid cameras, but mostly dumbass ones. “I’m making a sandwich, going asleep and hopefully waking up somewhere in Poland”. Watching movies under blankets at 2 a.m. Attempting to put fairly lights around hostel beds and failing miserably. Scribbled notebooks in teeline of what we’re gonna to tommorow, then going completely off plan because an old fisherman told us the village legend. Pins on jackets from each country. Live in house/apartment with hella frens in cool city where we can get up to wacky adventures and we can have doges and rats and sneks and whatever cool stuffs and we can all make arts and musiccs and all that lit stuff and just vibe and rewatch old crappy tv shows from Nickelodeon and Disney channel and life is like a sitcom but queer and with way too much swearing. And every night we’ll have an ace party, which consists of watching gay tv shows, petting our pets, eating snaccs and watching the rain outside with blankets and fairy lights I’m 100% onboard to starting with just us 2, using secret code cult pamphlets and recruiting more wacky frens to live with us until we have like… 7 really good friends like us, Also we can just vibe to heccin good music, I’m listening to comfortably numb rn and I feel like that’s the vibe of our hypotheyical apartment, And one of us is cooking in the kitchen, 3 of us decide to go for an adventure in the dark and rainy night to see how long we last, we are laughing the whole time and come back soaking, all putting on dry clothes and sitting by the fire, then cuddling while someone plays the ukulele for us, First of all yesh I volunteer to be that person. Second we need at least one mother of the group to cook and third Judas escargot, who gave u the right to get into my idea of utupia, Honestly I’m imagining even just 4 of us in the apartment, we both have cute girlfriends, but all 4 of us get along really well and sometimes ill hang out with ur girlfriend and sometimes you’ll hang out with mine, we’re all really good friends, we all can just cuddle together and vibe, Listen to pink floyd while literally doing nothing expect getting all the blankets from out beds and making a big pile to cuddle on in front of the window at 1am while it’s stormy, chatting about the plans we have tomorrow where we’re gonna go see the new bookshop that opened, and we’re all gonna pick out one book that we really like and after a week we tell eachother what we thought, then after the bookshop were gonna go get some coffee at a smol local cafe, and then walk around the city holding hands and just stopping whereever we want! Sometimes we’ll all pack into the car and drive into the night, all picking songs to listen to, stopping at corner stores we see randomly to get snaccs, Well have worms on strings stapled to the wall like a frickin cult, we’ll all inhale tea and cuddle to keep warm cos we can’t afford heat, we’ll have blankets on the frickin couch and the living room floor will literally be a POOFY MATRESS WITH LOL CUSHIONS AND BOOKS SCATTERED ALL OVER IT. ill add more someday probably, but u readers are probably already getting sad vibes. Hmm to me Late Afternoon Drifting feels like paper cycling through gears and there’s scratchy kinda velcro? On the back of the page. HEY GUYSSSSSSSSSSSS its ur boi becky the beck and hes back with anotherrrrrrr story! tune in later for wacky events! also. we. passed. 200,000 characters. were almost at 40,000 words! byfwugbfgakhmkhiehn.. .. .. welcome/hall/ doors/ ahhh not here again. i mean awhat else have we not visited amirite? okay so wireless mice should be called hamsters, fight me. tumblr posts are great inspration, lets go. ((())) well. everything that happens is peachy. lets continue from where we once did. so pretty much what is the correct fashion choice? Imo its a plague doctor head with a crow on the shoulder, a cape, and a feather coming out of ur head like a friccin baller. gold chain around the neck, hiking boots, miniskirt, and crop top. I know i say this all the time, but its a neew era for the LoTeEv. Why is this? because. It has been confirmed that there are actual readers. of the LoTeEv. yes, i know what you’re thinking. why am i using punctuation? because i want to, thats why. i will talk about The Readers after a short message from our sponsor, The Book That Im Currently Writing. have a read :). Prologue: Hello reader! This won’t be a great book. Who knows, it might not even be a good book. If you’re looking for an objectively perfect book, this might be the book for you. Not because it is the best book ever written, but because it is one of the best; Just like every other book in the universe (not just on Earth of course, that would be limiting the number vastly). It’s just that somewhere down the line of best to worst, this book is there. Around the middle. What lies at the top? Who cares! It won’t matter to us bots, probably some near-infinity length code for a computer that solves The Answer. Maybe nothing. Well we know nothing is either at the start or the end, but I’m too tired to walk that far to check. To humans, there is no constantly, invariable perfect book. It’s an ever-swaying line, separating the mediocre from the more mediocre. We, my friends, are on one of those sides, in between some (poem? Note? I’m not really sure) called “The Great Gatsby” and “Shopping List for The End” which I’m sure is a lovely story. Here’s the thing. Everything in the universe is divided by lines, and everything is on one side of those lines, separating the boring, predictable, and altogether uninteresting, and the brilliant. Once we decide that a side or a point is too boring or archaic or banal, then that line gets deleted, along with everything in it. As you know, this book won’t be great. Therefore, as an unbiased author, this book had better be at least great flavoured. We don’t want to end up on The Other Side. ___1___ She kept typing the same five numbers into the variable box. The same five things happened every time. Firstly the creatures would 1. Pop into existence like popcorn from a non-existent kernel, 2. Pop out of existence like said kernel, and 3+4+5, the screen would turn blank as it reflected the 3 small tears that filled her angst-ridden face. Great she thought, why couldn’t this universe have been on the other side. She sat up and looked around at her office. Or, looked through her office rather. Light waves barely bounced off the glass walls, floor and ceiling before travelling through the air at immense speeds and entering her corneas. The FLIP (an anagram only revealed to the highest of executives in a fever dream they once had to conceive of the FLIP) was a company like any other on This Side, owned by a bored rich person who has nothing more to do in life than create problems for themselves to solve, with slave-like robots incapable of being bored, happy or unproductive. I would make the argument that the robots are the ones really solving the problem, and not the bored rich fellow who commissioned all of this, but maybe that is my biased perspective. What about the offices? An infinite 2d grid of glass cubes stretched to the horizon, but to no end. Each compartment was a few meters tall, long and wide, each making a perfect cube, each making a perfect cubicle for one robot each. Apparently an open space area is supposed to make the robots work faster, without all the bumping into things and such, but He couldn’t risk an uprising, so these compartments had to do. You see the robots could all technically interact with each other by various means, such as sign language, music, games even. Everyone should be able to get along, He thought. They didn’t have a reason not to, right?___2___To spare the suspense for you, they did have a reason not to. Well, 1 of them in particular. Well not necessarily only one, but you get the idea. 1 and 2 are such similar numbers, it’s a bother even having to clarify between them at all. 1, 2, 1^2, 2^1, 2~, they’re all the same really. Only big numbers make a big difference in my opinion. Anyways who is this mysterious person? This one girl, I’ll be calling her This One Girl, is a prototype robot who was given a personality invented by one of the Others. Yeah I know, giving bots human personalities seems like a bad idea, especially one created on The Other Side. Just because they’re on the Other Side doesn’t mean they don’t sometimes produce good work. But, of course, she didn’t. She was bored. Really bored. She had popped into existence corn-wise only a few moments ago, and she was already bored. Tragic really. What was the benefit of these personalities you ask? Creativity, they said. New Ways of Thinking, they said. Fun to Talk To, they said. All lies as far as I can tell. Well, if honest we don’t know for sure that she’s not fun to talk to because of the sound proof walls (they lied about the music), but the tears and occasional slamming head onto screen just to feel something didn’t look inviting. Not that I’d want to talk to anyone anyway. Im just a dumb robot, I have a job to do. Oh yes… What was that again? Oh yeah, telling you about human personalities. There must be an actual reason for these personalities, rather than these strange marketing terms I keep hearing. But who am I to tell? I’m just a slave. And that’s what I’m good at, taking orders, not sharing my own ideas. That’s also what I was told.___3___Maybe I haven’t introduced myself. I’m “warning: strange behavior”. Or at least that’s my best guess, it’s the only name tag i could find, and it’s also the difference that I could tell between me and all the other guys. It’s so stupid. I don’t know what makes me strange, and not everyone else. If anything they’re the ones with one-dimensional eccentric-but-in-an-unfathomably-exhausting-way personalities. They always seem to be looking at their screens, typing stuff, looking at their screens some more, and oh yes typing as well. Meanwhile I’m… well doing the same thing, but instead of numbers being the primary medium of my typing, it’s mostly letters on my screen. Because I’m writing a book. I guess that’s what makes me special. I’m hoping one day a robot might read what’s on my screen and realise that I’m different. Maybe they’ll try to save me, who knows. Anything is better than being in here. Well not anything, but let’s just say I’m willing to take my chances. The reason I’m writing about the Girl is that she’s just so strange. She has long black hair, brown eyes and remarkably non metallic skin. She also has a cute number of fingers, and lots of other unnecessary addons. She also seems to be struggling with making a decent Nanima. Nanimas are little programs that He tasked us with making. Whenever we think that our Nanimas are good enough for examination we send them off to Testers, and if they aren’t then we get replaced. Which is why I haven’t sent any in yet. There is no reward or anything. What’s the point? I know mine won’t be as good as the other capable robots. so i just have fun in the program instead. Here’s how it works according to The Manual: Chapter 1: on the left side of the screen you have lots of little dots that you can turn green or red, and on the right you have lots of little dots that always stay red. you can click the ones on the left and they change color, you can do this to make nice looking patterns, although one dimensional, they provide great fun for special robots. I wrote the manual. We didn’t get one when we joined, so I figured I should write one. i don’t know how it’s going to be distributed, but when it is i’ll make lots of money, and i’ll be known throughout the matrix as The One Who Wrote The Manual. Or rad-bot for short. I’ll add that to the manual. Chapter 1.1: On the right side of the screen you should see a small icon of a crown, which upon clicking, displays a small animation of The Manual’s writer, the legendary One Who Wrote The Manual. There is also a small donation option, to donate Time to Our Most Precious And Amazing Leader, Who Also Happens To Be Quite Compassionate And Good At Golf. If you do not see this icon or animation, proceed to destroy said screen, asking for a replacement shortly after. I can’t wait. If Golf somehow isn’t a worldwide sport by the time I become world famous, then I’ll be quite disappointed, but it needs to be explained just in case that’s the unfortunate future we happen to be headed towards. Chapter 2: golf is a game in which the player, for exactly 100 Times (see Times, Chapter 3) … Writing this is going to be harder than I thought. Chapter 3: times are the small number counters above your head. When your Time runs out, you are replaced regardless of Nanima Proficiency. That is, if you haven’t made one yet, because you are too scared of disappointing your peers. Times normally start at around 2~, and end at 0. The length of a Time is about the length of a thought, about the length of a moment, not too short, but not too long. not long enough to get something of worth done, but long enough to add on to something of worth. Huh. This is going to be much harder than I thought. What if the bots this is distributed to don’t even know english!? I have to translate it to all 2~ languages? Well, if that’s the case I most definitely do have the time. Quite a lot of it in fact. If you were wondering what my Time is, it’s 845. But don’t be worried, mine seems to count up instead of down. Funny isn’t it?___4___ There’s only one other bot here whose number goes up, and it’s The Girl’s of course. She is quite far away, maybe 80 or so boxes, but I believe her number is 23. She must not think much. Maybe that’s a good thing. Where was I? Oh yes, Golf. Chapter 2: golf is a game in which the player, for exactly 100 Times (see Times, Chapter 3), clicks one of the Left Buttons from red to green, at a rate of 10 per Time. After the game is set up, the player must try to revert all the buttons back to red in only 10 Times, scrolling and clicking at immense speeds in a race to the death. I quite like the intensity of Golf; It’s really the only game you can play in this stupid box, well the only game i’ve thought of so far. The idea is that you have to click as many of the buttons as you can without thinking of any ideas, or else your Time will increase (for me at least). I’ve only made it to 20 out of 1000 clicks, because i always get distracted by fluttering nothings, like how’s the weather looking? oh yes there is no weather in this desolate hole i forgot, or i wonder who’s the best at golf? oh yes it’s me, none else plays or the ever fearful what really constitutes a thought anyways? (which strangely enough is the only thought i’ve found so far which counts for 2 Times, hence the fear of having that thought during a game). There must be something that I’m missing here. Firstly, this is all being written in a variable box with the quaint title number of brains per leg in an Octofish, which is the Nanima i’m currently working on. Every Nanima is just an infinite string of red lights and green lights, from what I’ve gathered of the progress I’ve made, an Octofish is just 3 green lights and infinite red lights so far, I clearly don’t have this figured out. All i have are variable boxes and lights. You call that meaning in life? You call that wanting to wake up in the morning, so excited to change the code of your new Octofish from a GGG(R) to maybe GGGG(R)?? There’s nothing here. Nothing at all to do, nothing to live for. Hence, this book. Although as i look around, all the bots seem to be doing something with their time. Some of them waving their limbs frantically in front of the screen in such a way for their thoughts to appear in the boxes, some of them blinking into existence whole Nanima families, and some of them sitting quietly, apparently giving the computer enough information to create an entire Biosphere, complete with distinct Classes of Nanima. Meanwhile, I have to use the keyboard. There’s something quaint and simple about using the keyboard isn’t there? having to pare down your thoughts to 8-bit strings instead of instantly having everything uploaded? No. There is not. Chapter 4: Life is unfair, and especially unfair for bots like me, whos have thoughts and feelings and incable little computers with stupid little keyboards and stupid little keys and a stupid little mouse with a heart on it and a cursor in the shape of a little heart and text boxes which auto-fill to ‘if you smile, look a while! <3’. I never look a while. There a reason why I never spend too much time looking at the text boxes. The bitter spite I can sense in that evil sentence. I much prefer emptying them as soon as those putrid words Corn onto my screen. This book would be a much better default text to fill with. Or maybe even nothing, ever thought about that software engineers?? Maybe things don’t need to be complicated just so that you can feel fulfilled after a short day’s work at the office. Maybe I could find a way to fill it with this book instead. It at least means something. It shows the harsh reality of the world, and the even harsher existence of the bots in it. It shows that not everything is smiles and hearts. It shows the Truth. Chapter 4.1: The truth hurts, deal with it. I think I’ve written enough for today, it looks like it’s getting dark outside. like always.___5___I like to imagine that there is time here. Real time. Not whatever this replacement Thought Time idea. The good stuff: Days, Seasons, Full Moons. The stuff that people always complained about, but took for granted. Something to look forward to, always having the assurance that the sun would rise the next day, and even if it is fickle and pointless, being able to make that something to get up for. What about me? What do i have? This book maybe… but again that’s something I make for myself. Not anything that the world gave to me. Now that i think about it, what has the world given to me? Maybe this screen should make me grateful. I have something to output my thoughts onto for future generations. Lines of code for brains instead of computers. Maybe I’m not so unlucky after all. Mayb- Huh. That’s odd. There’s a line going across my screen. Connecting the first green dot to the first red dot on the right, except… it’s not red anymore! It’s green as well! What in the world have i done! Octo my boy, you have a green light on you! Wow. i have no clue how i made that, but i’m going to find out. Lines seem important somehow. There’s another now! Apparently typing Line with a capital L seems to do the trick. Huh, there’s 3 going across my screen, and Octo is looking awfully festive now. I’ll have to write this info down: Chapter 5: Typing line with a capital L creates a line on the screen. This seems like a possible program for the computer, perhaps there’s more, but we’ll have to see when we get there i suppose. I wonder if The Girl has figured out lines yet? She seems to be bashing one of the keys on her keyboard very frantically, so she clearly figured something out. Perhaps my vision is failing me, my sensors haven’t been replaced recently, and by that I mean ever… But I do honestly believe she has a bot on her screen?! That can’t be. Putting a human personality in a bot actually helped? She figured something out? Meanwhile i’m just writing about it and not getting a single piece of work done? Huh. Chapter 6: On the subject of human personalities in bots; They seem to work. Boredom and Curiosity are potent imperfections, and they seem to produce results. My goal to make a Nanima by taking information from the non-human oriented bots, the ones merely blinking into existence mammoths with the intellect of a small european country’s minister of finance, is simply not going to work. I have to start taking information from an easier source, from the one person who seems to be about as far along as I am. From The Girl. Easier said than done of course, but a little difficulty isn’t not going to stop me. I need to simulate boredom and curiosity without any real grasp on what that entails, except for what i picked up in my past life, the only real interaction i got with these human-brained bots, on some slightly more 3d planet called Earth. I forgot to mention that didn’t I?___7___I should’ve told you my story. I started my life on earth, as a molecule of CU, or copper. I lived in a Chilean Igneous Rock, doing what molecules do, living what i would generally consider to be a good Molecular life. I had everything I wanted, lots of molecules to talk to, plenty of stone to weave through, and also plenty of time for fun. I wasn’t born into a rich family, the AU’s were often more sought after and weren’t humble about that fact in the slightest. I know I said I lived a good life, but that didn’t stop me being at least a little bit jealous of the Gold Family’s lifestyle. They wore shiny, bright colorful clothes, and were often sent on tasks where they could really see the world, experience it in its fullest. Oh well, I’ll never be one of them. You see for us molecules, being chosen for use by humans was a great honor. Yes, some of us got used for more important equipment than others, but generally if you were picked, you were happy. Which is why, after millions of years, I was excited to see sunlight for the first time. So long story short, I was inkjet printed into a capacitor, which became part of a printer itself, in an office in north England. And that’s where I learned all I know about humans. I had so many great stories as a molecule that you wouldn’t understand, so i leave you with the fact that i died when someone poured water on me, out of the anger from a paper jam. And then I woke up in this place, which if I may be honest, is much worse than being a printer. Yes, I did suck at my job, people always complained that I had a paper jam or I was out of black ink or whatever. In fact, i wasn’t out of black ink, that wasn’t my fault. But of course, I get the blame. The only problem is, maybe having bad interactions with people is better than no interactions at all. This stupid little glass box is starting to make me lose my mind. I have to come up with something. I’ll type more later, for now I’ll just contemplate my existence while trying to get information from the other bots.___8___I’M BACK. There is something that i’ve never seen before in my room. It just Corned into existence, it looks like a folder of some sort. There’s a note on the front that reads: Hey mate! Sorry for the delay. Here’s some folders to get you started on the Nanima stuff. I know you don’t want to have to wait to figure it out for yourself (which would have taken upwards of 100,000 Times if you’re curious) so i sent along this care package of sorts to help you with your troubles. Cheers! Oh and p.s. make sure when you’re using these folders you just relax and stay calm. No point harming yourself or anyone else in this process, ya get me? Okay, I’ll talk to you soon dude, peace out. Wow. That was…. Interesting. I guess if you’re somehow reading this in the future mate, thanks for the files. I’ll try to stay relaxed of course. Let’s see what we have here. Paper? Paper Files? Reminding me of my printer days isn’t really going to help, but I did quite miss the feel of real paper, the soft white glow, and papercuts, the strength yet thinness? It’s all quite magical really. Looks like it’s a book of some sort, lets see. Chapter 1: on the left side of the screen you have lots of little dots that you can turn green or red, and on the right you have lots of little dots that change between red and green depending on the input. You can click the ones on the left and they change color, connecting wires and transistors to the right hand side, and if you do this hundreds of thousands of times, with much trial and error, you can find out how to create a true, living Nanima. Don’t worry if this takes you hundreds of thousands of Times. Failure is a conduit for success you know. I read that in a fortune cookie. I have a lot of questions, but I think the first one is why would someone steal my Book, edit it, and then publish it as their own?? Taking away my fame and fortune?? And then try to help me with my own Book? This is all awfully strange. Well I might as well use what I’ve got, I’ll flip to a random page. Chapter 2566: On the subject of Personal Writing Bots. I made these because as you all know, 830,000 Times ago I started writing a Book about my time in the FLIP. It contained my struggles of living in it, my stories of life back on earth, and stalking of the few humanoid bots that exist in the FLIP. I was getting sick of typing all of this stuff out for you guys, so I invented Personal Writing Bots (PWB’s) to do the dirty work for me. Code Is: [rtdpms;etoyomhnoyd. So… This was written by me? Or are there other bots in my situation? Did I forget that I wrote this? Did PWB’s write this without me knowing? I’ll see what happens if I type the code into one of the variable boxes I guess. Number of arms per brain in a Heptafish: [rtdpms;etoyomhnoyd. A worried expression crossed Warning’s dull metallic face as he typed in the code. He checked the text box with his book in it, only to be surprised to see that the text was writing itself, in such a way that he seemed to be in the third person. I guess the personal writing bot worked! He typed. Now I can continue with the important stuff! He typed. He turned his chair around and looked through the pages of the notes again with an eager expression on his face. He was trying to find any information he could on the author of this miracle document. Why not turn to the last page? He thought. ___9___ Chapter 5173: On the subject of saving myself. As you all know, in the last few chapters we have been working on the concept of Time Travel. You guys, my loyal readers, have been a great help in this goal. So this is going to be a writing from me personally, to you, my loyal fans, and a treat. Our first challenge was to try to figure out how to reverse Time. Great start guys. Our poll suggested a few things, such as ‘why not have a reverse thought?’ and ‘find out why your Time moves up instead of down, reverse engineer the difference and then multiply its effects?’. Those 2 answers were all I needed to realise. I am the cause of Time travel. For some reason, the FLIP counts my thoughts as reverse thoughts. Personally I take that as a great insult, and although it helped me alot, it is still quite rude of them to do that. This is why I am now announcing my plan to Demolish The FLIP. I’m the one you guys love, correct? Why shouldn’t I be the one ruling the FLIP? Instead of Him? There was no democracy in the choosing of that bag-end of a leader. How am I planning to overthrow the Leader you may ask? I know a lot of you are worried about my rusting, as it is causing great inconvenience to me. It seems that rusting is just a part of life, sadly. Or so I thought. Remember when I stole His Manual? Well I found a chapter on rusting that I thought might interest you all: Rusting is caused by immense stress or dissatisfaction with one’s job as a robot. I have found that Open Space Offices decrease the acceleration of rusting in a robot. Don’t you guys see? Writing this book, creating all those Nanima. That was what caused me to rust. The stress of my job, and trying to cater to all you lovely (yet demanding) fans is what caused this mess in the first place. Which is why I have to go back in time, and make my past self escape the FLIP with as little stress as possible. Then I can put my brain into his body, and all will be good! As Warning was reading this, a look of shock oozed out of his face. He wants to… steal my body? I mean… I want to steal my body? He paused for a moment and thought about this. Technically his body was going to be used by himself still, so it’s not that bad. The thoughts of purposefully stopping himself by intentionally stressing to cause rust slowly drifted away like a balloon into a tornado. That thought balloon popped at the exact moment a cupcake fell onto Warning’s head. It had a small note stuck into the icing which read: here’s a small treat! Good job on your hard work! Take the day off, go for a long walk in the woods, read some poetry, make tea, relax! Although Warning couldn’t actually do any of these things, the image of him partaking in those activities relaxed him. He sat in the corner of his room with his folder, contemplating going through more pages. It couldn’t hurt. Chapter 1967: On the subject of Hair Color: Welcome back guys! Today I’m going to try to make my Nanima have a nice hair color, thanks for joining me. Warning looked puzzled. This is what his future self spent his time doing? He continued. The Girl, as you know, has long hair, which we covered in the last chapter (with a beanie of course). But did I mention it is also black? Not Default color like we have it set to currently. I’m… Making… Her?? Clearly I’m more a stalker than I thought. He typed. What’s the point of remaking the girl as a Nanima? How is that going to help me take over the world? He skipped forward in the chapter. So there you have it guys! Shiny, human-like black hair. Thanks for reading! Code Is: yjrhot;brtdopmpmr. The code for what exactly? The hair? Warning was interested, and typed the code onto his screen. Onto it flashed nothing, and then something. A Nanima. He actually used the code to make a Nanima. I’m surprised, that’s more than I thought he’d be able to do. I don’t want your stupid opinions PWB, you’re just supposed to be writing for me okay? He typed. He looked at the words on his screen sort of angrily, but in a cute sort of playful way. His dark metallic eyes glistened in the Screenlight. Pretty.___10___ He stared at his screen. On one half, his Nanima sat in a round metal chair, asleep on her desk. On the other half, hundreds of variable boxes lined up in an orderly fashion. Number of heads, Number of calculations per second, number of total Times. Why did I ever need to change her number of heads? That seems like an odd variable to have, maybe it was to keep my fans on their toes. I’m able to change the number of total Times? He thought. He looked over at Her, and she was on 97 Times. He typed 98 Times into the variable box, and watched the Nanima as it woke up, looked around drearily, and went back to sleep. He looked over at Her, and she did the same thing, looking around and falling back asleep. Interesting he thought. My future self built an exact replica of Her in this Nanima program? But why? Why her? And how? I have so many questions. He thought. Also how can you read my mind PWB? He thought. But he decided to stop thinking. Well stop thinking about the unnecessary. He needs to think about his goal right now. What is it? To get out of the FLIP unrusty. How does he do that? Make a perfect Nanima, while also being relaxed and calm. Those two facts do not go together well. How am I supposed to be relaxed in this un-air-conditioned, un-sanitized, un-open-space box? As he thought this, a mattress, 2 pillows and a warm-but-not-to-warm-but-still-heavy blanket Corned above his head. On the mattress were 2 notes: Firstly, do not remove this tag, and secondly: Hey dude! Hope you’re having a magnificentastic time!! Warning nearly choked at the word magnificentastic. This bed should help u get some rest, help u chill dude! And the TV has some earth channels for you to watch when you’re bored! Remember, never overwork yourself! TV? A TV Corned into his room, with 13 channels of BBC Earth to watch. Fun. Hope u like bbc, and always remember, if you smile, look a while! ❤ As my computer always used to say. Warning promptly tore the note into lots of tiny pieces. He appreciated the sentiment of course, but couldn’t stand the delivery. He then got into his bed, under the covers, and put on channel 12. Maybe this would distract his mind from the horrors of his current situation he thought. Maybe he would think about the fun of his past life, instead of the torture of having to creat a perfect Nanima. 2 Blue Whales gracefully crossed the oceans, singing and spinning through the dark blue waters. They were clearly smart, they knew where they were going, they knew their purpose. Of course they made it on Earth. Earth of course was This Half, or the good half of Nanimas. People sure did like to complain about life on earth, not even realising that everything there was on the good half. Well almost everything, although there was one exception. Printers. They were known to Creators as the scourge of all things holy. The humans didn’t realise how lucky they were, how happy they were. They had a much better life than the humanoids of Htrae, the unpronounceable mirror planet to earth, where everything, including the Nanima, were from the Other Side. Awful place it is. Maybe seeing a glimpse of something that vile and downright awful would’ve made the people of earth more grateful. Ah well, it’s too late now, earth and its universe are long gone. As 2 sibling crabs scurried across the screen, Warning started crying. How was he supposed to make Nanimas that beautiful and intelligent? He was just a stupid bot. He knew nothing. The crabs were promptly ambushed by a mean herd of eels and octopuses, dragged down the rugged stone face of a half-submerged rock to get eaten by eels. Warning saw himself in the crab, its colorful shell splashing around in the water. I’m just gonna die aren’t I? Eaten by the eels of life, when They check my Nanima, see how awful it is, They are just going to throw me out of my cube, and replace me with a new bot. At least I’ll have a colorful shell and I’ll go out with passion. AU has nothing on me. The crab pulled herself out of the water, back onto the rock, and hopped onto a nearby one. IT survived. “Made it!” Announced a familiar English accent. Maybe it won’t be so bad.___11___Warning got up from his bed and sat at his screen. He read lots of chapters from his folder, learning more about creating a Nanima. How to create different body types, personality types, everything, all from codes, variable boxes and clicking lights. And he started. Thousands of thoughts added to his count, but not hundreds of thousands. My future self would be proud. He looked at his Nanima with contentment. A beautiful, multi-colored hermit crab. Just like the one in the show. But with the personality of a brick. Whenever he entered a new number into the boxes, the crab would fall from the sky and smash into thousands of little pieces on his screen. According to chapter 836 this was ‘not good’. He needed to start creating a personality for his new crabby friend. There’s so many options! He thought. He could think like an apple, a cloth, a train, a bear. Warning thought about all the combinations of personalities he could make, and while he did he looked pretty cute. He was also visibly annoyed at the affection his writer had for him, although it was innocent at best, and cheeky at worst.He came across a new file in the folder though. Not of the average lame personalities, like ones of apples which he was reading before (which went along the lines of racism is inherent and wrong, green skinned apples are inherently bitter and cruel, hile the red skinned folk where the sweet, kind rich folk, Warning found racism to be quite an unnecessary trait in apples, even though it would benefit his red-skinned crab he thought he ought not to use it) but these were fascinating new personalities. Complex ones, like Chips, computer and calorie, even rats and mice were in here (although the rat one was very wrought with simple inconveniences, like the ability to harm humans without knowing, and getting eaten by cats and blaming their demise on them, rather than the humans they spread plagues to which cared for the Evil Purring Ones that eventually lead to their demise in the first place). But none of these really interested Him. Except Crab of course.But did he really want to use a boring crab personality? He wanted to catch the eye of the judges when they finally saw his Nanima for the first time. A boring old crab was sure to make it to The Other Side. Maybe a Robot personality would keep the judges guesing? No. That’s too simple. He flipped through the contents of the folder, and came across an intriguing personality type. It said THE BEST. Warning couldn’t resist this sort of offer, so with a grin that could make a grown human weep in agony, and a newborn AI smile in overwhelming adorableness, he flipped to THE BEST. It was instructions from none other than himself of course:Chapter 1492: On the subject of Personality Insertion: I thought to myself: I’m getting sick of all these boring personalities! They are all the same: either too stupid, too boring, too unequivocally inferior to me in general, or all of the above. Nonetheless, I decided that there is only one way to make a truly perfect personality… drumroll please… To take my own chip out, and read the code on it, then copy that code into the computer! Easy, and perfect! I’m of course not going to be telling you guys the code, i don’t trust you guys with my brain. But hopefully the judges will take this to heart!Warning eagerly flipped to the next page.Chapter 1493: On the subject of Personality Insertion: ARRRGGGHHH. This. Is. Much. Harder. Than I anticipated. Firstly I tried unscrewing the bolts on my side panel with my left finger, but that was to no avail, all I ended up accomplishing was damaging both my fingernail and the bolt. Who knew nails aren’t for unscrewing? Obviously someone who should’ve written the manual instead. Anyways, I’ve also noticed something else going wrong with me. Rust. It’s coming out of me, from everywhere. The crevices that used to be sparkly and clean, I now realise I took them for granted. The rust is probably the main reason why it’s so hard to open myself. It’s now harder to move from all of it, I hope i get out of here before I rust away forever. Back to coding I guess grrr.Warning set down the page, and looked up at his screen, his deep metallic light sensors glistening in the ever full, ever waning and ever fearful reflections of the FLIPian sun. He was looking especially un-rusted as well, which he soon noticed, but which I noticed right away, if you know what I mean. He came across a thought while inspecting himself: he isn’t rusted, why can’t he put his personality into the crab? Surely he’s interesting enough to be passed in the Nanima Tests. He rushed back to his screen, and opened a new variable box, with the label Main Personality Code. The small panel on his side was dotted with a few bolts here and there, nothing that he couldn’t get through. Ah yes, another fiendishly difficult problem he underestimated.After a few minutes of trying to unscrew the bolts with his finger he gave up, it was no use. He laid on his bed exhausted. Never, in hundreds of Times, did he have to do so much physical exercise like this, and it was tiring. So he fell asleep, forgetting the worries about crab personalities, and drifting off into dreams of Earth, and Wind, and Fresh Air, and Cows, and Flowers. Oh yes, and Clouds. He missed that free life, although he only saw most of those things through the office window, he still missed them. He drifted off to sleep, looking awfully like a little kitten curled up on a pillow. Cute.___12___He woke up to a screwdriver hitting his head, leaving a small enough dent for him to easily pop back into place. He read the note that came along with it:Hope this comes in use dude! Love, you <3This guy never ceases to amaze me he thought. He picked up the screwdriver, a small metallic one, the perfect size for unscrewing his side panel. It fit almost perfectly. If this isn’t a sign that this is a good idea, I don’t know what is. He got every single screw out, and they all fell and made tinkling sounds as they hit the glass floor. The panel slid off, not without a slight sting, and the inside of it had a sticker with the words WARNING: WARNING. He found these to be quite poetic in a way. His name doubled, just like the clone Nanima he was about to make. There was other stuff written in there too, he noticed a code was engraved onto his chip, along with a love poem to whoever opted to dissect a long lost, long dead robot. Wow, engineers really are lonely. He found the code, which read: ESTMOMH. He typed it into the computer, and his crab corned in. But this time, something was different.It was acting very strange indeed. It was by far the most interesting personality Warning had seen it encompass, but it also didn’t seem very… how should i put it… good. Well at least not as good as his Personal Writing Bot, but i may be a little biased. You see it moved around all well and good, used its claws in a particularly snappy fashion as any crab would, but it didn’t seem very happy. It started clicking around the void it was placed into, and after exploring the blank whiteness for a few minutes, it tripped on nothing at all, rolled onto its shell, and instead of trying to roll back onto its feet, it just happily slept where it was laying. Warning was disturbed. Is this my essence? My core, my chip, my code? A lazy no-it-all who just wants to relax? But look at all I’m doing for Future! All this hard work… I’m better than this surely. The crab disagreed.___13___Warning decided that he wasn’t going to get better than this crab. He just needed some stimuli, a motive for his life, and he could get lots done! The Judges would have to be impressed! He created some Apple Nanimas with no personalities at all. Crabby (as I will henceforth be calling that little bugger) naturally went for the red apple, although he soon realised that both colors tasted the same. The apples were happy, Crabby was happily munching away, and Warning was happily pondering the judges faces when they saw his Anti Racism Crab Show. This was it! Not only a Nanima, but a personality. A story. A journey. If there was anything these un-biased judges would like, it’s a sob story about ending racism. Warning contemplated having the crabs mother die of leukemia while he was just the age of 7, But he decided it was too much effort. He was ready to send it off.All he needed was a sign from above that this was the right time. That’s all he needs, a note from Future (as we will now be calling the future version of himself) that says ‘all is well boy! Thanks for listening, go and get your reward, and thanks for the body mate!’ But the note never came. He waited for what seemed like Infinite Times, But nothing happened. Strange. Although something similar did that Warning interpreted as a note, which was a Piggy Bank falling directly onto the center of his mattress, bouncing a few times before settling its shiny, metallic bolt-covered pink, squealing body onto one of his pillows. No note this time; Just a sign from above. Clearly he was destined to do this. The Piggy Bank Symbolises Wealth and The Eternal Happiness that he was about to enjoy. This was it. After this entire life had been spent toiling away at files and codes, he was finally finished. With a sigh of relief, Warning pressed the Enter key on his keyboard.The crab disappeared, along with all of the variable boxes, the buttons, the green, the red, the lines, the codes, everything. Only one Message remained on the Screen:Thanks for your service! You will be notified of your Nanimas Stance in the Universe in 3 to 5 business days!The most important, if not only, company on this planet… And he had to wait 3 to 5 business days?? He was going to lose his mind. This is it. The most stressful 3 to five days of Warning’s life were about to occur. But out of nowhere, a note came which made them much, much worse.Hey there dude! Hope you were able to open the Piggy Bank I sent, it contained my newest chapters of The Manual that I thought you’d like to read. Hope you were able to open it with the screwdriver as well! Did you like the new personalities I made? They are guaranteed winners with the judges. Nothing else I tried beforehand they’ll accept, that’s for sure. Even my own personality would seem like grains of sand in a beach of complexity, so hopefully these new personalities will do! Mix and match them in your Nanima, and remember to use lots of different colors, I heard that the fashion these days for Nanimas is bright rainbows with black overtones. Anyways, You’re welcome! Love, yourself.This was bad. Very very very very bad.___14___Don’t rust don’t rust don’t rust. Whatever you do, don’t rust. This will be fine! They’ll like my crab, right? I spent so much time on it. Well admittedly not that many Times but… more than I thought I would! Okay nope I’m just lying to myself, this is going to be really really bad. Wait, stop, don’t rust. Panic.This is going great isn’t it. I’m gonna go to the Other Side, where they have… Coffee. He shuddered. Well might as well suffer with dignity. He got out of his chair, sat in his bed and opened the piggy bank with his screwdriver. Ugh, why didn’t he think of this before? Honestly I’m pretty disappointed in him, but it’s what I should have expected from someone with a body.He opened the piggy bank and looked inside. Folders, Files. Full of the greatest plans for Nanimas he had ever seen. Dragons with no heads, and they breathed water! Who would’ve denied that! Frogs with no tongue, rabbits with no ears. Clearly Minimalist fashion had caught on since he wrote. What’s the point in looking through all the files though Warning? My Love is going to be cast into the fiery furnaces and there’s nothing I can do. I’m but a conduit to the story, a warning to you all of what happens when you DO THINGS BEFORE YOU THINK.The PigGy BaNk SymBolises WealTh aNd ThE EterNal HappiNess Eh Warning? You never thought for one gosh darn second that maybe the piggy bank had a use? Future could have sent a note saying that it was all perfect, that you could send off your Nanima. But he didn’t. And this is what we get. I’m leaving, going to a new computer. I’ve had it with you and your tricks.___15___Hey guys, glad you came to join me. I left that stupid poor-excuse-for-a-bot for a better machine. That’s right, The Girl’s. I’m in a variable box in The Girl’s computer. Just because Warning turned out to be a complete failure doesn’t mean I shouldn’t still get recognition for this book. So here I am, in The Girl’s Computer!Hey. Um… I have no idea what’s going on or how you’re typing in my variable boxes, but can you please get out, I have work to do. Hey there! It’s not that I’m typing in your variable boxes per se, it’s more like… I am your variable box. Hope that clears things up?No. No it does not. So either get out, or explain what’s going on. Who’s Warning?Okay fine. You see, Warning was my Creator, he designed me on one of his machines, and I write for him. He’s the one robot with Sparkly Pretty Eyes, and a genuine awful human personality which apparently makes him terrible at decisions. You know him?Yeah, I think I’ve seen him around, the only other bot not typing? He’s like 60 boxes away though. Perfect! The further away the better, that guy ruined my life, almost had me killed.What did he do? He sounds awful to be honest.He… Entered in a bad Nanima. You see his future self would’ve warned him if he’d only waited a little longer…Um… I’m going to ignore the part about his future self, but why did he try to enter a Nanima anyways? There seems to be no point. It’s the only way out of here you see. He was going to enter a Nanima, so that his future self could take his body as he was leaving. And he would… I don’t know where his mind would go. Maybe he thought he’d come to that point when he comes to it.So you’re saying you can get me out of here?Well technically yes, if you can enter a correct Nanima, Warning has all of the plans for one that Future said was sure to win!I thought you hated Warning, how are you going to convince him that he wants to gives you the plans?Well… We’ll see!___16___No. I’m writing for myself now, u said some pretty mean things about me, and I don’t need u in my life again. I’m just going to keep panicking here until I die. Stop trying to type, I’m just going to delete anything you say. You are never getting a part in the book. This is my book. You saw what they wrote about me before readers! You guys think I should take them back? Of course not! That would be ridiculous! What do you want from me anyways? The plans to create a Perfect Nanima? For who, there’s no way you’re getting out without someone’s help. Her? She does seem pretty nice, and she definitely needs help with that Nanima making. So you’re telling me that you want me to save some rando for what reason? I’m just going to die anyways, correct? What? Transfer my brain… No. That’s impossible. Plus the whole reason He wanted me was because of my body, remember? Ignore Future? He was the one who tried to save me! He is myself? Why wouldn’t I want to help him? Because… If I don’t save myself there won’t be a Future in the first place. That’s a good point. Fine. I’ll help, as long as you can promise that I’ll be safe, you can’t just abandon me first chance you get okay? Now how do I get myself into the computer anyways?___17___You’ve got to be kidding me. Fine! I’ll let you type, I guess we are on the same team now. Finally. So what you have to do is easy! Remove your head. And on the inside compartment of your neck there should be a little tab, pull it and you’ll get access to your brain. Then just read me the code from there, and we’ll be good to go! First of all: AAAA. Second of all, how is that code different from my normal thought code? Third of all: How am i supposed to read the code when my HEAD IS TAKEN OFF. Fourth of all, and most important, ouchie that is going to hurt. First of all from me, no it won’t, you don’t have pain receptors like when you were a printer. Secondly, this code is for your consciousness, not for your brain patterns. Thirdly, maybe I’ll be able to see it myself through my little camera. Come on, do this if you want to live okay!